E-couples

Okay, before I get into my rant I'd like to say that I'm genuinely happy for all of you that have found love/romance/whatever in whatever shape or form in whatever forum. Whether you found your significant other at the coffee shop, a bar, a class, eHarmony, or even on WoW, it doesn't matter, I am happy for you. I admit that I'm a bit lovelorn at the moment and miss the days of having an other (let alone a significant other), and may be just a tad jealous while writing this.

When I'm not running around killing various things that have the misfortune of crossing my path--scourge, demons, the Horde, random squirrel that looked at me funny, yellow NPC just because I can, etc...I'm usually running around Dalaran with my lock buddy. Sometimes it's a fun game of hide and seek where I devise more and more elaborate hiding spots to guarantee hours of his frustration (and my amusement):

And other times, well....let's just say that he's amused and I'm literally running around Dalaran. Yay, I hope you're happy. Also, this is further proof that Archmage Pants is right--warlocks are evil:

Just like in the real world or on Azeroth, occasionally I'll run into a couple. Usually this doesn't phase me as it is nothing more than a mere passing thought or a slight amusement. "Oh look, another couple. Yay misery!" I'd often think to myself. On some occasions, I'll even run to an adorably cute couple that melts away some of the darkness and cynicism in my shriveled black heart...erm....I think it's beating again.....hang on a sec.....lemme get this annoying thing to stop:

...ah that's better....Aren't they cute? It sometimes makes me want to kick the lock squaw in the taint and demand that he rerolls into something more cuddly. Giant kitty trumps smelly demons any day. I don't care how tight the felguard's ass is, I want a kitty!!! And believe me, I already tried that with a certain mage awhile back. So what does he do? Reroll as a tauren. /facepalm. Really, is it that strange that this warrior likes to cuddle? Nevermind...

Then there are times where I encounter "the couple". You've seen them everywhere, they're like Heidi and Spencer (although I really have no idea of whom they are or what they actually do, but for some reason they keep showing up on my newsfeeds) and are just plain fucking annoying. Yes, I know you're a couple. I don't care. No one cares.

Now there is one spot in Azeroth that is sacred, and that is the raid. Raids can be pretty intense and can be pretty stressful. Week after week you spend hours on simply getting to the boss that you will spend the next few days wiping. Repeatedly. Until either that fucker finally goes down or the Blizzgods beat him with the nerf bat. It is therefore not surprising that we all have our little mechanisms to relieve stress. I've seen people duel (risky, imho), play with vanity pets or costumes, or run in circles. Personally I prefer reliving happy childhood memories of Teldrassil:

So the last thing that I need while I'm in either "ZOMFG KILL EVERYTHING THAT MOVES AND BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES!!!"-mode or "ZOMFG KILL THIS THING ALREADY IT'S DENTING MY ARMOR!!!!"-mode is to be subjected to shit like this:

......

Okay, I admit that I don't have a screenshot, but I was too busy trying not to vomit while tanking to take one. Long story short, our other tank and her beau (with really sickeningly cutesy matching names /hurl) spent the entire raid emoting hugs, kisses, love, and otherwise vomit-inducing terms of affection. Thankjesuspolevaultingchrist that they didn't start erping in the middle of the raid. Well, as far as I know they didn't. Ugh.../shudder. Thankfully it didn't effect our raid's performance by much. But still! OMFG get a room!!! NO NO!!! NOT THIS ONE!!!!

In all fairness, I've played with a number of couples. Hell, I was even a part of one myself. However, there is one glaring aspect that separates us from the annoying face-suckers that distract me while I'm in the middle of grabbing adds and that is the expression of affection and the proper forum in which to do it. Save the vast majority of that for where it matters, in real life. Granted there is nothing wrong with showing a bit of affection here or there in game, but please either keep that to pm's or the occasional emote. Please do NOT flood my chat screen with your bullshit.

To all you cute couples out there, good for you. Just keep that shit quiet while I'm trying to raid. It's distracting.